It is closely correlated with alcoholism, drug consumption, intimate-partner homicide, teen pregnancy, infant and child mortality, spontaneous abortion, reckless behaviours, suicide, and the onset of mental health disorders.

Most abusers and batterers are males but a significant minority are women. This being a “Women’s Issue”, the problem was swept under the carpet for generations and only recently has it come to public awareness. Yet, even today, society for instance, through the court and the mental health systems - largely ignores domestic violence and abuse in the family. This induces feelings of shame and guilt in the victims and “legitimizes” the role of the abuser.

Violence in the family is mostly spousal one spouse beating, raping, or otherwise physically harming and torturing the other. But children are also and often victims either directly, or indirectly. Other vulnerable familial groups include the elderly and the disabled.

Abuse and violence cross geographical and cultural boundaries and social and economic strata. It is common among the rich and the poor, the well-educated and the less so, the young and the middle-aged, city dwellers and rural folk. It is a universal phenomenon.

Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the “silent treatment”), manipulate, and control.

There are many ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humour, or consistently tactless - is to abuse.

To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore - are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They are “stealth abusers”. You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse.

There are three important categories of abuse:

Overt Abuse

The open and explicit abuse of another person. Threatening, coercing, beating, lying, berating, demeaning, chastising, insulting, humiliating, exploiting, ignoring (”silent treatment”), devaluing, unceremoniously discarding, verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse are all forms of overt abuse.

Covert or Controlling Abuse

Abuse is almost entirely about control. It is often a primitive and immature reaction to life circumstances in which the abuser (usually in his childhood) was rendered helpless. It is about re-exerting one’s identity, re-establishing predictability, mastering the environment - human and physical.

The bulk of abusive behaviours can be traced to this panicky reaction to the remote potential for loss of control. Many abusers are hypochondriacs (and difficult patients) because they are afraid to lose control over their body, its looks and its proper functioning. They are obsessive-compulsive in an effort to subdue their physical habitat and render it foreseeable. They stalk people and harass them as a means of “being in touch” - another form of control.

To the abuser, nothing exists outside himself. Meaningful others are extensions, internal, assimilated, objects - not external ones. Thus, losing control over a significant other - is equivalent to losing control of a limb, or of one’s brain. It is terrifying.

Independent or disobedient people evoke in the abuser the realization that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is not the centre of the world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations.

To the abuser, losing control means going insane. Because other people are mere elements in the abuser’s mind - being unable to manipulate them literally means losing it (his mind). Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you cannot manipulate your memories or control your thoughts … Nightmarish!

In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the abuser resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms. Here is a partial list:

Unpredictability and Uncertainty

The abuser acts unpredictably, capriciously, inconsistently and irrationally. This serves to render others dependent upon the next twist and turn of the abuser, his next inexplicable whim, upon his next outburst, denial, or smile.

The abuser makes sure that HE is the only reliable element in the lives of his nearest and dearest - by shattering the rest of their world through his seemingly insane behaviour. He perpetuates his stable presence in their lives - by destabilizing their own.

TIP

Refuse to accept such behaviour. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences, and priorities.

Disproportional Reactions

One of the favourite tools of manipulation in the abuser’s arsenal is the disproportionality of his reactions. He reacts with supreme rage to the slightest slight. Or, he would punish severely for what he perceives to be an offence against him, no matter how minor. Or, he would throw a temper tantrum over any discord or disagreement, however gently and considerately expressed. Or, he would act inordinately attentive, charming and tempting (even over-sexed, if need be).

This ever-shifting code of conduct and the unusually harsh and arbitrarily applied penalties are premeditated. The victims are kept in the dark. Neediness and dependence on the source of “justice” meted and judgment passed - on the abuser - are thus guaranteed.

TIP

Demand a just and proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and capricious behaviour.

If you are up to the inevitable confrontation, react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine.

Dehumanization and Objectification (Abuse)

People have a need to believe in the empathic skills and basic good-heartedness of others. By dehumanizing and objectifying people - the abuser attacks the very foundations of human interaction. This is the “alien” aspect of abusers - they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they are emotionally absent and immature.

Abuse is so horrid, so repulsive, so phantasmagoric - that people recoil in terror. It is then, with their defences absolutely down, that they are the most susceptible and vulnerable to the abuser’s control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanization and objectification.

TIP

Never show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable. Do not succumb to blackmail.

If things get rough- disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally).

Do not keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abuser’s weapon.

Never give him a second chance. React with your full arsenal to the first transgression.

Abuse of Information

From the first moments of an encounter with another person, the abuser is on the prowl. He collects information. The more he knows about his potential victim - the better able he is to coerce, manipulate, charm, extort or convert it “to the cause”. The abuser does not hesitate to misuse the information he gleaned, regardless of its intimate nature or the circumstances in which he obtained it. This is a powerful tool in his armory.

TIP

Be guarded. Don’t be too forthcoming in a first or casual meeting. Gather intelligence.

Be yourself. Don’t misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities, and red lines.

Do not behave inconsistently. Do not go back on your word. Be firm and resolute.

Impossible Situations

The abuser engineers impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is sorely needed. The abuser makes sure that his knowledge, his skills, his connections, or his traits are the only ones applicable and the most useful in the situations that he, himself, wrought. The abuser generates his own indispensability.

TIP

Stay away from such quagmires. Scrutinize every offer and suggestion, no matter how innocuous.

Prepare backup plans. Keep others informed of your whereabouts and appraised of your situation.

Be vigilant and doubting. Do not be gullible and suggestible. Better safe than sorry.

Control by Proxy

If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers - in short, third parties - to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.

Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the abuser.

TIP

Often the abuser’s proxies are unaware of their role. Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to them how they are being abused, misused, and plain used by the abuser.

Trap your abuser. Treat him as he treats you. Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse.

Ambient Abuse

The fostering, propagation and enhancement of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There are no acts of traceable explicit abuse, nor any manipulative settings of control. Yet, the irksome feeling remains, a disagreeable foreboding, a premonition, a bad omen. This is sometimes called “gaslighting”.

In the long term, such an environment erodes the victim’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Self-confidence is shaken badly. Often, the victim adopts a paranoid or schizoid stance and thus renders himself or herself exposed even more to criticism and judgment. The roles are thus reversed: the victim is considered mentally deranged and the abuser - the suffering soul.

TIP

Run! Get away! Ambient abuse often develops to overt and violent abuse.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation - but you owe yourself a life. Bail out.

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Hi All! Everyone knows that Carlsberg is one of the main sponsors of Liverpool. Carlsberg launches web TV now! And it also shows that Carlsberg is always a big fan of football. I know, Carlsberg web-tv covers about football and life supporter, I think that most football fans such as web tv. Because you could not look at www.partofthegame.tv.

Partofthegame.tv is a web-TV channels recently launched by Calrsberg. It has 5 channels that share everything about football and life. Well, you can upload your favorite football video clips and remember that you do not miss some of the magic Funnies football channel!

I have noticed that most drivers completely ignore the speed limit on the freeway. Where I live, the freeway speed limit in the city is 65 mph. It is quite possible to drive that fast in the right hand (“slow”) lane and have people come up on your bumper and give you an annoyed look as they go around you because they think you are driving too slowly! 80 mph in the left hand (“fast” or “passing”) lane is normal, as are people in hurry braiding in and out of lanes because they think their time is more important than yours and you are in their way. You might not want to hear this, but such driving wastes gas! The same gas you complain and moan about every time you fill out at the pump gets wasted out on the freeway by such drivers. Maybe even YOU??? (Nah………..)

According to the website Howstuffworks (http://auto.howstuffworks.com/question477.htm), the best mileage can be achieved by driving between 40-60 mph. Now I’m here to tell you that driving 40 mph on the freeway will get you one of three things: 1) a ticket for impeding the flow of traffic 2) into - or becoming the cause of - and accident 3) killed. However, driving at 60 mph won’t cause any more dirty looks than driving at 65, as long as you stay in the right hand lane. You won’t cause any accidents, and you won’t get a ticket for impeding traffic. Again, according to Howstuffworks (http://auto.howstuffworks.com/framed.htm?parent=question477.htm&url=http://www.fueleconomy.gov/), gas mileage decreases rapidly at speeds above 60 mph. So you are wasting gas and wasting money by driving faster than 60 mph.

Now I can hear you already: “But, I’m late!” Plan ahead, and leave a couple of minutes earlier. Think about it for a minute. If you drive 65 mph for one whole hour, you will only be 5 miles farther down the road that if you drove 60 mph for that same hour. Those of you who spend a whole hour commuting are usually not driving 65 miles. You are driving more like 10 miles, crawling along at jogging speeds. This won’t work for that sort of commute. However, if your drive is such that you have the option of driving faster than 60 mph, DON’T! Set your cruise control at 60 mph, slow down and save.

The beauty of this system is that you benefit from it even if no one else participates! There is a very real possibility that you could fill up your tank one less time per month. That would save you $20-$50 per month, which is $240-$600 per year. Spend it on Christmas presents. Splurge a little on your vacation. There are lots of ways you could enjoy the extra money. And if other people participate, because more and more people would be buying one less tank of gas per month, the supply really would go up because the demand really would be down, and that would mean lower prices which would benefit everybody (except maybe OPEC, and they don‘t need the money.) Try it!

Living in clutter does not mean that you are a slob or an undisciplined failure. It means that you are human, and your origins are showing. Way, way back in the farthest branches of your family tree, your ancient ancestors lived a somewhat more hand-to-mouth existence than we do. Stocking up was a smart thing to do when the antelope might not roam your way again for a while, and surviving a cold winter depended on how big a stash of firewood and dried berries you had in the back of the cave.

The urge to acquire is instinctive and completely normal. But the kinds of circumstances that could lead primitive man to use up the provisions he’d stashed away are no longer much of a threat to us. I am a big fan of Costco, eBay, and 24-hour convenience stores, but we don’t really need them, and the effect on our closets and garages (not to mention our waistlines!) has been catastrophic.

There seems to be an agreement in our culture that life was “simpler” back whenever. Yearning for simplicity makes us believe that our clutter is against the way things should be. What was different in the past was they didn’t have credit cards, mail order catalogs, and the Internet. Most people only bought what they needed and could afford. When was the last time any of us did that?

In the span of just a few generations the cost of goods has gone down dramatically due to mass production. Take a moment to think about how much a basic T-shirt would cost if it were knitted and stitched by hand. How many would you own then? What if you had to make it yourself? Would you be so ready to think you need another one in a slightly different color or cut, or maybe with a little Lycra in it?

A common lament about contemporary social norms bemoans the scattering of the nuclear family, the lack of a sense of community, and the loss of spirituality in daily life. We feel disconnected, stressed, empty, and we have been trained by mass media since early childhood that having more things will make us feel better. At some point someone told us “you can’t buy happiness,” but we didn’t listen, because everyone likes new toys and buying things makes us feel secure, which is almost as good as feeling happy.

So we shop and shop and buy more things for our homes (and our cars, and our cell phones) until we’re drowning in stuff. And then we shop for things to help us manage the other things and get them organized and neatly stored. Usually all that results from this is an over-abundance of misused, unused, or wrong-sized containers that metastasize into their own variety of clutter.

Combine a new “pre-approved” credit card offer in the mailbox every week, buy-in-bulk warehouse stores, easy internet shopping, and cable shopping networks beaming bargains into your television set 24 hours a day with the hard-wired delusion that giving in to these temptations is a good idea, and our once life-preserving impulse to stock up goes into overdrive. The problem isn’t that we are completely lacking in judgment or self-discipline. The problem is that the primal parts of our brains, where the compulsion to stock up while it’s available resides, is not programmed for a world in which more than we could ever possibly need will still be there tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that.

Once we recognize this, it becomes possible to acknowledge the instinctive urge to acquire and to use the more rational parts of our brains to remember that although we live in the midst of the greatest availability of consumer goods ever known in the history of mankind, lucky us: we don’t need to buy it all today.

Conquering clutter happens in small increments on a day-by-day basis, not in one great to-the-death campaign. It starts with recognizing that clutter flows into our lives every day. Take a moment to think about everything that came to your home or office in the mail this past week. And the things you brought home from the store. And the library books, videos, and DVDs rented (and that will need to be returned in a few days or weeks, another task made more difficult by clutter).

If you have school-age children, you may feel like you need a bulldozer to deal with all the papers and projects that arrive home with them every day. Not to mention the happy meal toys. Then there are the take-out food flyers slid under your door, the lawn-service brochure stuck in your mailbox, the sale inserts from Safeway and Home Depot that sneak in with the newspaper.

The prospect of dealing with your existing clutter is exhausting enough. When you think about the fact that the incoming flow of clutter is not going to stop you may feel an overwhelming urge to just lie down on the floor and admit defeat — assuming you can find a large-enough area of uncluttered carpet to occupy.

Don’t give up before you start! That feeling of overwhelm can actually become the energy source that propels you to get out of this mess and stay out of it. When you feel overwhelmed, allow yourself to be with that feeling and explore it. Hidden beneath the fatigue and despair is a deep desire to be free, to become the highest expression of your true self, to live your dreams and share your unique talents with the world. Tap into that desire, and you will have the energy you need to conquer your clutter.

The secret is to give up on the misguided notion that you can do it all at once in one massive effort. Accept that it took time for all this mess to accumulate, and it will take time to winnow it out. Instead of waiting until you have the time and energy to begin, start now. Begin slowly. Proceed gently. Tackle one small area at a time. The clutter will dwindle and your energy will grow. You will one day triumph over the mess. You will live in a tidy and organized space. You will fall back in love with your home, and incoming clutter will be powerless in the face of your conscious, caring attention to your physical environment.

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So, does this mean I have to sacrifice my physical appearance? I don’t think so! Who says that moms can’t be trendy or simply look more put together.

Just to make things clear, I am not talking about wearing over revealing clothes, expending every single penny on shopping sprees or basing your whole existence on the way you look.

My advice is to just make time for improving your overall appearance. Even if you are a stay at home mom, make sure you get up a couple of minutes before the kids and do your hair, apply some lotion and don’t just wear worn out t shirt, sweat pants etc.

What ever your beauty routine is just make time for it. It is a proven fact, looking better will help you feel better and influence those around you.

• Punishing your child for accidents
• Making your child wear soiled diapers or underwear
• Making your child sit on the potty for more than 5 to 10 minutes at a time
• Making your child “hold it” if he or she needs to go
• Making your child sit on the potty when he or she is crying

Try to make potty training fun and exciting for your child. Positive reinforcement generates better results than negative reinforcement. Browse our selection of potty training products to choose the right product to use with your chosen potty training technique.

Dogs vary in size, shape, color, coat length and behavior more than any other animal and until now, this variance has largely been unexplained. Now, scientists have developed a method to identify the genetic basis for this diversity that may have far-reaching benefits for dogs and their owners.

In the cover story of tomorrow’s edition of the science journal Genetics, research reveals locations in a dog’s DNA that contain genes that scientists believe contribute to differences in body and skull shape, weight, fur color and length – and possibly even behavior, trainability and longevity.

“This exciting breakthrough, made possible by working with leaders in canine genetics, is helping us piece together the canine genome puzzle which will ultimately translate into potential benefit for dogs and their owners,” said study co-author Paul G. Jones, PhD, a Mars Veterinary™ genetics researcher at the Waltham® Centre for Pet Nutrition – part of Mars® Incorporated, a world leader in pet care that has been studying canine genetic science for the past eight years. “By applying this research approach, we may be able to decipher how genes contribute to physical or behavioral traits that affect many breeds.”

Dogs originally derived from the wolf more than 15,000 years ago – a blink of the eye in evolutionary terms. Selective breeding produced dogs with physical and behavioral traits that were well suited to the needs or desires of their human owners, such as herding or hunting ability, coat color and body and skull shape and size. This resulted in the massive variance seen among the more than 350 distinct breeds that make up today’s dog population. Until now, the genetic drivers of this diversity have intrigued scientists who have been trying to explain how and why the difference in physical and behavioral traits in dogs changed so rapidly from its wolf origins.

An international team of researchers, which included scientists at the National Human Genome Research Institute, the University of Utah, Sundowners Kennels in Gilroy, California and Mars’ Waltham Center for Pet Nutrition in the United Kingdom, studied simple genetic markers known as Single Nucleotide Polymorphisms, or SNPs, to find places in the dog genome that correlate with breed traits. Because many traits are “stereotyped” – or fixed within breeds – researchers can zero in on these “hot spots” to see what specific genes are in the area that might contribute to differences in traits.

The research used 13,000 dog DNA samples provided by Mars Veterinary, which holds one of the most comprehensive canine DNA banks in the world. This collection has been built up with the help of pet owners who have consented to their pets providing cheek swabs and blood samples for the database. Mars’ DNA bank allowed the study to cover most of the American Kennel Club recognized breeds that span a wide variety of physical and behavioral traits and differences in longevity.

“With further refinement and additional data, this method could be used to tailor products that may benefit the health of pets,” Jones said. “Pet owners and veterinarians may be able to develop better care regimes based on this knowledge. In addition, genetic information about behavioral traits, such as trainability and temperament, could also help veterinarians identify the most lifestyle-appropriate pet for an owner.”

This research may also have implications for human health, as dogs suffer from many of the same diseases that we do.

Source: Weber Shandwick Worldwide

In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.

So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?

Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.

On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teen-ager’s disorder’ as well.

Here’s how optimists are in action and researches that back up why it really pays to be an optimist:

Optimists expect the best

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.

The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune, it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.

Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the ‘problem’ at hand. They use ‘positive reinterpretation.’ In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.

They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”

Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.

People respond positively to optimists

Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.

Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.

In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.

When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher

Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.

They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.

Optimists are healthier and live longer

Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body’s ability to fight disease.

Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.

So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.

Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else you are bound to hit lows sometimes but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?